The strength to say no

How beautiful to be a web.

How criminal are the eight legged.

How powerless are the immobile.

Instead of flying towards him, i have broken free. FUCK OFF.

First we had JE - i have finally turned him down for myself, not because other people told me to or because i was seeing someone else, but for myself. Night of the ball was beautiful, flirt others until he gets jealous enough to want me, then watch him beg for me until i tell him that “i wish you hadn’t have been a cunt, but you were, so fuck off please”. i think he got the picture.

Then AA. I was planning on being really manipulative and breaking him and MP up. i don’t know why – jealousy i think. I should be the most important. I think for some bizarre reason i wanted to break them up so he could realise he wanted to be with me. We were going to see each other last night, and i waited all day for him, but he had already decided to have MP stay over, and forgot to tell me, nay – didn’t think to tell me.

He wanted to see me today so he didnt feel guilty while i was away in greece, you know what, he can feel guilty if he actually feels it – at least that way he’ll finally get a piece of what he deserves. I deserve better, and in the words of cool runnings, when i look in the mirror -

“I see pride, I see power, I see a badass mother who doesn’t take no crap off anybody”

I will not let him use his dirty words to reel me back in. JE did that too. They promise you the world but don’t mean a bit of it.

I will meet someone nice who takes me out on dates, who wants to see me when they wake up, and wants me to be happy for me. I will wait for someone who doesnt see me as a “project” or a “game”.

Why? Because im fed up of it, and going to greece for a month gives me the break from them that i need to begin moving on.

 

Most importantly folks – I’m NOT NOT going to let him become a scar. no no no. he doesnt deserve it.

~ by chinaface on June 27, 2008.