Sex, Tension, Goals

Spent the weekend with this guy from australia who i didnt really like that much, and we clearly have no future cause of the whole never-going-to-see-him-again thing. He hugged a lot which was good, but really awful at the whole sex thing. Small price to pay to not be at home. The tension is insane – i can’t even talk to my parents now. I freak everytime they try and start, i freeze if they try to hug me. I don’t know why.

I have scars on my wrist from the past 3 times i’ve got suicidal (only get suicidal when v v drunk so never able to commit to it as well as could be hoped – lack of coordination and all that). My mum asked me what they were, and when i said nothing, she was just like “oh i knew you wouldn’t have done anything silly” (SILLY?) “just scratches then” – “yeah, hahaha” when they are still there when i get back from greece she may realise. I can’t bring myself to say anything. I dont know what i’d expect them to do even if they did get it into their heads.

I’ve tried to tell them. Since I started I’ve always tried to tell them. It worries me that the word “counseller” still confuses them. It doesn’t help me accept, and it doesn’t help me communicate, because they don’t hear me.

Never mind.

Ok, Goals:

1. Let a photo that shows some/a scar be put up on facebook.

2. Not drink enough to hit anyone during Greece, if I do, I want to be able to apologise and explain the situation.

3. Possibly tell parents when i get home so that its normalised and its ok to wear shorts in the house!

~ by chinaface on June 30, 2008.