refusal

jesus i’m struggling.

LD is really getting me down by chipping away at my confidence. he has no idea how unassured i am. he doesnt see what it does, he cant understand that it hurts. he’s going away for a week tomoro, and i’m so glad. i dont know how much longer i can go on like this.

 

i fucking miss SA so so much. he was my rock. he was there for me always, and i threw it away. in the words of coldplay “you were an island and i passed you by, you were an island to discover”.

i couldnt cope with the distance. i wanted to fall asleep with him every night, and how could i  – with him in cambridge, and it got me down.

i’m so glad i have this blog to type it all down in.

THIS IS MY REFUSAL TO TAKE OUT PAIN ON MYSELF.,, god i dont want to do this. i want to just fuck it and bleed.

i learnt how to cry – isnt that good! and i learnt that i’m better off without sex than with a partner who gets me down, or a one night stand.

i really dont give a shit about not wearing tights now- want to kick up a fuss? well you can fuck off!!!

 

but i really want to cut. i really really want to cut. i love not thinking about it, but when i do its really strong.

 

anyways thats me for now!!!

~ by chinaface on October 25, 2008.